Kyle là bạn học của Bo từ khi Bo mới chuyển trường về, được 2 năm liên tiếp, tụi nó chơi với nhau rất thân thiết , 1 phần do hợp nhau, 1 phần do tui thích như vậy nên luôn tạo cho chúng được gần gũi.
Ngày đầu gặp bé trong lớp học của Bo cùng với mẹ, tui không có ấn tượng gì nhiều...cho đến lần thứ nhì tại buổi sinh hoạt Boy Scouts (vì anh của bé chung hướng đạo với Be) có luôn ba của bé tham gia , tui mới thật ngạc nhiên, thằng bé lạ hoắc so với ba mẹ và anh của mình...có lẻ bé là con nuôi chăng?
Gia đình thật ấm cúng, bé được chăm sóc khá chu đáo, là 1 đứa trẻ hiếu động, mẹ bé luôn phải theo sát con, không tỏ ra chút gì là bực bội cáu gắt...Bo cũng chơi cùng...thế là cô ta chơi với 2 đứa trẻ luôn. Hai bà mẹ vừa chuyện trò vừa trông con, Kyle cùng học lớp đặc biệt với Bo, nên tôi hỏi thăm cô ta về tình trạng của bé. Kyle rất yếu và có nhiều bệnh khi sơ sinh...bé chỉ phát triển gần như bình thường vài năm gần đây thôi. Cô ta rất cực khi phải chăm sóc thằng con của mình . Cô ta cũng hỏi thăm về Bo, thế là chúng tôi tâm sự với nhau về con mình rất là thoải mái và cảm thông nhau hơn.
Có nhỏ bạn người Việt, ( trong nhóm cha mẹ người Việt chỉ có 2 đứa mình), nhỏ này kỳ cựu hơn ở nhóm Scout boy nên nhỏ ấy biết nhiều...Chị Th , hình như thằng nhỏ là con nuôi của bả đó chị, em thấy bả thương nó quá chừng luôn, thằng nhỏ quậy 180o vậy mà bả chịu được, bà này hay và dễ thương hé chị...ừ chị cũng nghĩ vậy ...tế nhị không ai dám hỏi gì cả...
Hãy đọc những dòng cô viết:
If you give birth to your child, the question of whether or not you are the right Mom for your child may never cross your mind. At 3:00am when you are trying to clean spit-up out of your hair while calming a crying child, you may question your ability to be Mom, but not whether you are the right Mom.
As an adoptive Mom I have questioned whether or not I was the right Mom for my child. As my son came into the terrible 2’s his temper was not just terrible. It was terrible, horrific, extreme, unbelievable and intense. I tried to just say, “He’s 2.” But something inside me wondered. As he approached 3 his tempers were constant. I was afraid to take him to the park for fear of him hurting another child. He was kicked out of Sunday School and out of a Mothers of Preschoolers group. I seriously questioned my ability to be his Mom. I questioned if I was the right Mom for him.
My adopted son is also of another race than me which seemed to compound my insecurities. I have heard slander and racists comments about me and my family, but I had always chalked that up to ignorance and the lack of a loving spirit. But as my son became increasingly more difficult to handle, was I the right Mom for him? I questioned if race really did matter and questioned whether or not I was the right Mom for him.
At his annual check, the Doctor did the usual checking height, weight and various other vital statistics, and then he started asking me developmental questions like, “Does he know his colors? Can he say his ABC’s? Can he jump? Color inside the lines?” and more. As we talked, I began to realize that there was something wrong and it had nothing to do with my ability or right to Mother him.
We were then referred for more testing and the results showed a speech and development delay. He then was accepted into speech therapy and a special education class devoted to meeting his needs. Within 6 months his tempers had become few and far between. By the end of the year, he was speaking not just words but sentences too. His difficulties had nothing to do with me.
Since he is adopted and of another race, I sometimes still wonder if I am the right Mom for him, but I cannot deny how much I love him. Through our difficult time, I did what any Mother would do. I searched, researched, asked questions and eventually did find the help he needed. With every hurdle he jumps, I am right there like any Mother cheering the victories, comforting the disappointments, helping with the hurts, encouraging him to keep on trying as well as directing, teaching, counseling when and where I can.
My son continues to improve and succeed. My son is now known for his hugs and laughter. I love this child. I am his Mother, and I am the right Mom.
“Babysitting?” another parent at the park asked me (Caucasian Mom) while watching my African American son slide down the slide. “No,” was my simple answer. The parent squirmed with curiosity and then began the full series of stupid questions.
“Is he real?” I answered, “Yes.”
“Is he yours?” I answered, “Yes.”
“Is he a mix?” I answered, “No.”
“You are African American?” I answered, “No.”
“Where did you get him?” I answered, “The hospital.”
I guess I have a mean streak. I truly enjoyed watching this poor parent try and figure it all out. She got real close to my face and inspected it closely to see if I was African American. I didn’t know her, and she didn’t know us. I just didn’t see why it should matter. He was my son and that was that.
When you adopt a child of another race or color, be prepared for the stupid questions. Times have changed and there are a lot more interracial, transracial and other racial families out there. I always enjoy seeing one. I know and they know that they are asked about their family everywhere they go. I and they want to respect mine and their privacy. Just about every family I have come across offers a simple smile with a nod of the head that says, “I know.”
So here I will end this series. I am sure there are many more stupid questions and some may be posted at a later date. But for now, this is the end. There really isn’t such a thing as a stupid question if you are sincere. If you are a prospective adoptive parent, head up! Transracial adoption can and does work. You will love your child as your own. You will come to a time where you do not see a child of color, but you will see your child.
Posted by Design D
Từ khi có thằng bé, cô đã nghỉ hẳn ở nhà để chăm lo, gần đây kinh tế khó khăn, sức khỏe người chồng kém nên thu nhập ít hơn, cô đã đi làm trở lại...1 vài lần cô có gửi Kyle cho tôi để cùng chơi với Bo.
Hầu như 3 năm liền kể từ khi tui biết mẹ con này, người mẹ đều tổ chức Sinh nhật cho con, những buổi sinh nhựt vui tươi và chu đáo ...